completely senseless

Unreasonable

Heather J — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 16:51:20 +0000

In order to keep peace in my life apparently I have to bend over and take it. I have to be the one to suffer and sacrifice so everyone else can do what makes them happy. So everyone else can have what they want at my expense. Who cares about what makes me happy? No one but me. Every time I try to make myself happy, all the sudden I’m the one who’s being accused of being crazy and unreasonable. It really doesn’t take that much to make me happy. So why do the same people keep doing the same things to me over and over and over again to make me miserable…because they really don’t care about me or my feelings. Pure selfishness. All they see is what they want and focus on the few things that I’m NOT doing, instead of seeing how much I care and all that I am doing. So now I keep my mouth closed and I don’t say anything because it obviously doesn’t matter how many times I repeat the same words…what I say doesn’t matter, no one listens anyway and everyone still does exactly what they want to do…no matter the effect it has on me.

Walk That Mile

Heather J — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 05:42:00 +0000

I feel like I’m being pushed and pulled in a million different directions…and none of them are the direction I want to go in. Everything in my life has changed and I have no control. It’s slowly draining me in every way possible.

Innocent Bystander

Heather J — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 17:42:34 +0000

Is this really what you want to do to our child, MY child? Do you really want to tear apart her life just so you can save a few dollars in your bank account? Are you going to destroy her innocence and force to her grow up and make decisions and be put in situations that she is not emotionally capable of handling? She’s a child….I wish you would grow up and be the adult so that she doesn’t have to. You are fighting a losing battle. You have no idea what this is costing her. If you cared for her at all you wouldn’t even think about putting her through this. You have no concern for what is best for her, you are only concerned with your self and what benefits you…way to go, I think you just won the title of “Asshole Father of the Century”. I hope you know that I will do anything and everything to make sure you don’t destroy her world and mine in the process.

Stop and Stare

Heather J — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 20:37:35 +0000

Reminder

Heather J — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 15:16:37 +0000

Little by Little

Heather J — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 03:02:12 +0000

I made the biggest mistake of my life. I just went through the most humiliating, gut-wrenching and terrifying experience of my entire life. Epic fail. I am the lowest I have ever been before and I know that I deserve to feel this way for what I’ve done. Although I do feel that what I went through was extreme given the circumstances. I can’t believe that a person you have known for years would be willing to do that to you without at least giving you the opportunity to explain and apologize. A chance to make things right before utterly destroying your life. Its a mistake I will never make again…sometimes perfect strangers are more capable of compassion than those you know.

So what do I do from here? I honestly can’t say. Wait to see what happens. The worst of it is over I hope. It really can’t get any worse than what I just experienced. Make amends, ask for forgiveness and move on with my life.

Manifestation of Anxiety

Heather J — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 03:38:32 +0000

Things left undealt with, words left unsaid, problems left unsolved will, eventually, find a way to break through.

Total Hypocrite

Heather J — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 19:55:00 +0000

What I want.. I can’t have.

What I have.. I don’t need.

What I seek.. I can’t find.

What I found.. I can’t deal with.

What I have dealt with.. I didn’t deserve

Battle Scars

Heather J — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 20:34:04 +0000

What’s considered fair nowadays?
I think I ended up with the short end of the stick. I’ve found myself stuck in the middle of a battle that I don’t want to be in. Fighting for a child that no one, except me, should have any right to claim. How is it possible to want rights to a child that you completely abandoned BEFORE she was even born? Do you really want to tell me what’s fair about that?!
I’ve given up everything and sacrificed so much, all because I wanted to…all for my child. I was the one who was there for her when you weren’t. I was the one who did everything for her because you wouldn’t. You have absolutely no right to threaten the center of my universe. She is MY child and she always will be. I dare you to push me. We’ll see just how far you get.

My Final Act

Heather J — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 03:57:51 +0000

I want to write but I don’t know where to start…and I don’t know where to end.

I’m starting to wonder if what I have is really what I want?